This Rosh Hashana, Can You Choose Yourself?

Chana, the biblical heroine, silently prayed for a child. As she uttered her emotional prayer, she made a unique request.  She davened for זרע אנשים – זרע שמובלע בין אנשים – a child who is regular and one of the people. The Talmud (Berachos 31b) expands that she asked that he be ordinary; not too tall or short, not too wise or too foolish. Ordinary and average. That was Chana’s request for her son. What was behind Chana’s curious request?

Chana was reminding us of a key to Rosh Hashana, and the path to meaningful existence. Sometimes we fill our lives with an everpresent need to be chosen. This might be the reason we look for – or are still in – a specific job, relationship, or community. We look to be chosen by others, including a spouse, friend, parent, child, teacher, mentor, community, or employer. We go through life pining to be chosen, relying on it, and being thrilled when it happens. When we are not chosen, or the experience or feeling of chosenness expires, we feel down, hurt, or frustrated. When, instead of being chosen, we are not chosen or un-chosen, our mood plummets. The shackles of needing to be chosen keep us from being who we could be, and who we really are. 

So much of our free choice is a myth. It is not really free. We do not behave how we want, or act how Hashem wants, but so that others choose us. How free are those choices?

As we approach Rosh Hashana, we can challenge ourselves to take on a new perspective. Let’s not live our lives fueled by our need to be chosen.  Instead, we can choose ourselves. Although it sounds simple, it can be one of life’s greatest challenges.

The path to choosing ourselves starts with allowing ourselves to be ordinary. Not to feel the need – or even satisfaction, in being chosen. We are just ourselves. 

The Navi talks about a great woman, of stature and piety, who did a kindness for Elisha Hanavi. In order to show his gratitude, Elisha asked her if he should intercede on her behalf to the king or commander-in-chief. The exemplary woman of Shunam responded, “בתוך עמי אנכי יושבת – I sit humbly among my people.” The Zohar teaches that the exchange took place on Rosh Hashana. Elisha was asking if he should choose her and put in a good word in prayer for her. She responded that the greatest way to approach Rosh Hashana is by being a regular woman among the people. The great woman of Shunam chose her ordinariness, her humanity, her being herself. She was simply herself, without the need to be focused on, selected, or chosen by others. She was happy being within her people. She did not want, or need, a halo of specialness. 

This is the essence of Rosh Hashana. I am choosing. I am choosing to be a regular person. I am not a title, position, or role. I am myself. 

The more we allow ourselves to be ordinary, the more we can shirk the need to be chosen. Instead, we can choose ourselves. That is real בחירה חפשית – freedom of choice. I can choose life and choose my life. I can choose who I want to be and allow myself to shine while I am still within the people. 

I can choose my life because I choose myself. I select myself to conduct myself how I should – because it is the right thing. 

I choose myself to be a better Jew. A better spouse. A better parent. A better child. A better community member. I am not selecting others to select me. I am selecting myself. 

This Rosh Hashana, we can choose to choose ourselves. What do we want our life to look like? How do we want to cultivate our connection to Hashem? How do want to relate to others? What do we want our life to be like?

We can choose life by choosing our life. Can you allow yourself to make that choice? Your life depends on it.